"Peter Darling! the Sweep's Here!"

Old caps

Thus in Dorothy L. Sayers' Busman's Honeymoon does the new bride Harriet Vane Wimsey announce to her husband Lord Peter the presence of the man who's going to solve the problem of the blocked sitting room chimney in their newly-purchased country house.  Peter and Harriet only found out they needed the sweep in the night before.  I've been gearing up to have something done about my water heater flue for months.

Still, when I could suppress the awareness of what the work was going to cost, I, too, could rejoice this morning at 9:30 when the truck drove up and John the chimney technician rang the bell.  Hurray, the sweep's here!

He certainly earned his money.  He was here for five hours, and made sure everything was done just right.

First thing, he went down the basement, put the water heater on pilot, removed the 3" flue between the appliance and the chimney, and enlarged the opening into the brickwork.

Old cap unit, on the ground

Note the rust on the lefthand side!

Then it was out to the side yard to raise the ladder.  He got the old double chimney cap down, what I feebly call the turbine-looking thing, and it was a lot bigger than I imagined.  And wide open to the birds.  And very rusty on the water heater side.  Not a big surprise, since the guys who did my roof repair a few months ago told me it was going.  That's why they painted it, but the extent of the rust was eye-opening.

Flue full of bird's nests

 John got out his rods and brushes and pushed the birds' nest material down into the basement where he plucked it out of the opening.  Two 5-gallon buckets worth, and some of it was packed so hard, he said, that for awhile he thought I had a brick stuck in there.

At work with the rods

My knowledge of chimney sweeping is mostly derived from Busman's Honeymoon (what did you think-- Mary Poppins?), so I knew about rods and brushes, but somehow I thought they were metal.  I asked John, and he said, no, in the old days they were mostly bamboo or rattan; now they mostly use fiberglass and other synthetics, depending on the offset of the chimney and the nature of the blockage.  And though he's heard of clearing a chimney with a shotgun (as employed by the vicar in Busman's Honeymoon), he's never actually known anybody who's done it!

New liner, with 2 buckets of blockage

A new cap.  Pardon rotation fail.

I didn't hang around watching the festivities the whole time; I kept busy inside sorting papers in the dining room or grooming my dog and my oldest kitteh on the back porch.  But I stepped out front in time to see my new stainless steel liner and its insulation coiled like a bright blue snake and the curb, and beheld the new chimney caps up close and personal, a chance I will likely never get again.  Made to order, stainless steel, powdercoated brown with hipped "roofs" without the standing seam.  Very Craftsman looking.

The liner is in

The animals needed more brushing and were enjoying it so much I missed the actual insertion of the liner into the flue.  He said there was no trouble getting it down.  Which is funny in a grim sort of way, because another chimney company came out in mid-June and got cold feet about "what they might find" in my chimney.  They were afraid they couldn't get the liner through, refused even to bid the job and told me to get an electric water heater instead!

Connecting the liner at the WH

But it went in sweetly, and soon as John had adjusted it at the top, it was back into the basement to get the new flue from the water heater connected in to the new tee at the bottom.  John told me the new flue from the heater is 4" diameter instead of the 3" I had, which will take a bigger tank if I or a subsequent owner ever need it.

Setting the caps

Next was the exciting part, setting the new caps.  I keep hovering in my neighbors' yards across the street, where a bit of a rise gave me a better viewing angle, and I noticed that the front cap wasn't parallel with the stone dressing at the top of the chimney.  But John was already on it.  He was down at his truck cutting a couple of metal shims.  "I can't make the cap level," he said, "because the top of the chimney isn't level.  Does that make sense?"  "Absolutely."  "So we have to fool the eye so it looks parallel to the ground."

Careful adjustments

Time for sealant

And he did.  He worked at it until he got it right, got my okay, then used sealant to fasten the caps down. Standard way it's been done for decades, and no, he's never known a high wind to carry a cap away.  Then, sealant all around the bottom of the stone dressing, between it and the brick.

He noticed a bit of light-colored something on the stone and tried to scrape it off.  I'd noticed it, too, and when he came down he said it was sealant left from the old cap that had covered the whole top dressing.  He went back up with some solvent and soon, it was gone.

Done up top; time to lower the ladder

 The ladder came down after that, but John wasn't finished.  He headed back down the basement to mud the connector from the water heater into the brick flue so it was good and tight.  When I came down to watch he pointed out that I seem to have a leaky connection on the outgoing side of the appliance, judging from the corrosion.  It's not enough to melt the plastic collar yet, but it's something I need to watch.

New connector mudded in

This will need watching

As I'd requested, he hauled the two buckets of bird straw around back to my compost pile.  Once everything was put away out front, it was time for The Paperwork.  From comparing notes with other old house owners, I know that the price I got on this job was very reasonable, what with the sweeping, the top-quality stainless steel liner with insulation, and the two new caps.  I still wish it hadn't been necessary, but it helps that he accepted half now and equal payments at no interest over the next six months.  And there's a lifetime manufacturer's warranty on the flue-- if I get it professionally inspected every year.  But, John confided, even if I don't or can't, he's never known one of these to go out.

But I'll think about that next summer.  Right now, the work is done, hurray! and the damp spot over my mantelpiece can start drying.  It might take a week, John said, but then I can finish prepping my living room walls for finish.

All finished

I keep walking outside to gape at the new caps.  (You'd think I had this job done just to get them.)   I regret to admit it, but I kind of miss the old ones-- they were so distinctive.  But they didn't match the style of the house and they weren't working.

John hauled the old cap unit away, so I can't have a wake over it.  I was toying with taking it in for scrap myself, but I don't think I could lift it, nor did it look like I could fit it into my car, even with the back seat folded down.  So it's just as well I forgot to mention it and he made the decision for me.

Now, terra cotta chimney pots.  That'd be just the thing.  Oh, yeah.

Just Shoot Me

Basically, my house is in pretty good shape.  Really and truly.  But for some reason, this past year, when I could least afford it, I've had to throw big chunks of money at all sorts of things that had nothing to do with tile or a new kitchen floor or a new bathroom or anything fun and sexy and visible like that.

No.  First the water softener ruptured and after living with scary hard water for several months I admitted I needed a new one, and a water filter as well if the job were to be done properly.  Then the attic insulation went bad and the only feasible way to replace it was with spray foam.  At the same time, I found out I had all sorts of things wrong with my roof and flashing, and that had to be taken care of.  As it was being taken care of, I was informed that the wet place on my chimney breast is due to my having no liner in the flue for my hot water heater.  OK, I got a decent bid from some plumbing and heating guys to come put one in.  But up the ladders they go, and down they come-- they couldn't get the liner in, due to the bend in the chimney, they said.  Call a chimney sweep/technician, they recommend.

I've been calling chimney firms on and off the past month, but only two have actually come by to take a look at things.  And only one has actually gotten up on a ladder and looked down the chimney.  That was today, and just shoot me, it doesn't look good, it looks expensive, and it looks like the kind of thing that can't really be put off.

I want to get the water heater flue lined so I can get the chimney breast dried out and hang the wallpaper in the living room.  But the chimney repairman who was out this evening tells me the real problem is birds' or squirrels' nest material that's practically blocking the flue and sending not only condensation, but also carbon monoxide, back down into the house.  Worse carbon monoxide, since the HVAC guys knocked out the cement that used to seal the WH pipe into the wall of the flue in the basement in their futile attempt to install the liner last month.  I'd wondered why I seemed to get a whiff of gas down there, even when the furnace was off.  And maybe I should wonder why I've been feeling stupider than usual these days.

So it won't be enough just to shove an aluminum liner in there, I'm told.  The chimney must be cleared, then I really should get a stainless steel liner, because aluminum will pit and corrode out in three years or so.  If I was to be really, really pessimistic about my employment chances, I'd say who cares, I'll be selling the house before then anyway.  But what if I don't?  Then I've got the same problem again.

And, says the chimney tech, it won't be enough for me to run the liner in then slam the existing cap with the cute fins back on.  Those cute fins have way big gaps, 2" or so, that let all those birds and/or squirrels in, and nothing to stop them building their nests in the new liner.  So I would have to get new caps for my flues, and no, it wouldn't work just to stretch some wire mesh over the top of the flues under the existing cap.  That would just mean the birds would build their nests at the top and block it up there.

I know this is no hypothetical situation.  I dug around three 13-gallon trash bags worth of birds' nest material out of my eaves last October.  And their handiwork is in my WH flue right now.

Crap.  He's given me a ballpark estimate, and I thought if I ever would spend that much on the chimney, it'd be going well towards covering the cost of a pretty new gas fireplace insert.  He's willing to work out financial terms, but crap, crap, crappity crap, why does all this have to come up now?

Hey, Lord, don't You realize how broke I am?  Or maybe I should just let the house moulder and go to ruin, in the good old-fashioned style?

Meanwhile, I've cracked open a window in the basement.  And a CO detector is on my shopping list when I go to Home Depot after work tomorrow.

Not on the Agenda

This morning around 6:35 AM I go down the basement for a paper sack to pack my lunch in.

I come back up the stairs without it.

Why?  Oh, just a little matter of water most of the way across the basement floor. 

I've seen this before, about six years ago.  Last time my water heater went out and needed to be replaced. 

This morning?  Blame the early hour, blame the chemo, blame my lousy eyesight, blame the fact that I'm all dressed to go substitute teach (for the first time since my surgery last April), but the mind goes into freeze mode.  Can I, might I do something to stabilize things and go ahead and go in? 

Revoke my DIY card, but I can't think of what all I should do.  What about the owner's manual?  It's up in the Appliance file, isn't it?  Yes, but can I focus well enough to understand what it could tell me about the subject?  I doubt it.

Wait a minute, wait a minute . . .  There's always the Internet.  I run upstairs, get online, and Google in "water heater leaking." ( It actually comes up as "water heating leaking," but no matter). And the first thing on the first site I open tells me the water could be coming from the temperature- pressure (TP) relief valve.  And if it is the TP relief valve, I, the homeowner, need to do something about it Right Away.  Because, the site told me, if too much pressure builds up, my tank could blow up.

My tank could blow up?????  What?  Really!?  I don't even know where my pressure relief valve is!  It's probably someplace on the bottom of the tank and here I am in my skirt and stockings and good shoes!  I'll never find it! 

Back down the basement.  I still need the lunch bag-- if I'm going in. 

Gosh, what a lot of water on the floor.  I pick up some trim that needs stripping to get it out of the way. Think, Kate, think! Could I leave this till 3:30 this afternoon?  Could I, should I?

But what if this was only part of the water that's in the tank, and it keeps getting worse?  Water on the loose Is Not Your House's Friend.

But I really need the money I'd be making today.

But what if the water keeps coming and coming?

I take a deep breath and call the school and beg off.

I still need to do something.  Oh!  My next-door neighbor is an air-conditioning repairman.  Maybe he knows something about plumbing.  They're up: I can see them moving around in their kitchen.  I pick up the phone: "Hi, it's me.  My water heater is leaking all over.  What do I need to turn off?"  The water valves?  Check.  Gas valve? Check.  Kthxbye.

The water on the floor looks like it's getting worse.  Slowly.

OK, notify the home warranty people.  Website alleges my contract doesn't cover broken water heaters.  Oh really?  That's not what my printed contract says.  I try the phone again.  And awhile later, again.  And awhile later, again.  I keep getting shifted into phone-transfer limbo.  Finally, a little before 8:00, I get a live person. The guy is helpful and puts in my service order.  He tells me to go ahead and drain the heater. OK.

Hour or so later, I get a call from the designated plumber.  He can't get to me till tomorrow.  Too many appointments today and he has to get me a new unit.

Oh, crumb.  Looks like I could have gone in to work today anyway.

Around noon, the plumber calls again.  He's had a couple of cancellations and can make it today after all, in about 45 minutes.

And he does.  And by 3:00 o'clock or so I have a new Rheem water heater, with copper pipes instead of those flexible steel kinds.  Mine were leaking anyway.  The old tank was leaking all over.  The old tank is gone.

The plumber turned out to be the same guy AHS sent out to tackle my bathroom sink plumbing a year or so ago.  That was nice.  And it kept the dog happy.

Now it's much later.  The basement floor is slowly drying out and the towels I used to mop up the floor are in the washing machine.  In hot water.

Nevertheless, all this was not on today's agenda.